We got to be a Danshari Family!
Being a large, mixed-race, family in Japan we tend to get noticed. Even my ‘shrinking violet’ wife has gotten used to the curious (and sometimes fawning!) looks from her fellow countrymen as we navigate Japanese daily life with 6 kids (and a large American husband) in tow! So it was not entirely surprising when we were approached with an offer to be a part of Hideko Yamashita’s (やましたひでこ) Danshari TV show. The show’s basic premise is that a family is being overwhelmed with ‘stuff’ and Hideko Yamashita shows them how to declutter. For a family of 8, in the ‘restricted confines’ of life in Japan, it wasn’t hard to sell the producers on the idea that we simply were hip deep in ‘clutter’. I have a book-collecting hobby, and 20 years in the Navy has seen my collection of old uniforms and souvenirs from all over the world expand beyond reason. With 6 kids we have; 6 kids worth of clothes, 6 kids worth of toys, 6 kids worth of books, and 6 kids worth of grandparents and relatives! My wife’s father was a professional photographer and she followed in his footsteps. She might be reading this, so I will keep this short – the number of pictures, videos, boxes of negatives, and old camera/video equipment is…ahem…extensive. (sorry honey!)
Hideko Yamashita arrives –
The experience was awesome! The producer and the photography crew spent some time with the kids before the shooting day to get them comfortable and relaxed. It worked a bit too well! My kids are only shy when you first meet them. Get them comfortable and you become a long-lost cousin! And if you are big enough to climb on… all the better!
Yamashita-san is the epitome of Japanese elegance, refinement, and kindness. When she arrived, I was still nervous about how some of our more treasured items would be treated. Would she ‘slash and burn’ her way through our home? Was everything a candidate for the recycle bin? I had some serious reservations that a Japanese lady would understand just how much ‘stuff’ you need to keep a household of young children operating! All that trepidation was seriously unfounded. She understood! She understood that 6 kids means everything times 6, understood that baby things can’t be casually discarded. And much to my eternal gratitude, she navigated the emotional minefield of my late father-in-law’s photography collections with my wife in a truly kind way. It was awe-inspiring watching her reach the heart of my wife’s love for her father. And yes some tears dropped. And no, it wasn’t ‘slash and burn’. Yamashita-san recognized, instinctively, which items could be discussed and which items were really off-limits. She also knew when to ‘push’ and when to ease up. I can honestly say I learned a lot about my wife, by watching Yamashita-san ride those waves with such grace. That isn’t a tear in my eye, just an errant eyelash I am sure.
But…
What is Danshari ( 断捨離)?
Danshari is a Japanese term that roughly translates to “decluttering,” “simplifying,” and “letting go.” As calmness of mind has continually receded from society’s grasp, it has gained popularity in recent years as a way of life that promotes minimalism and simplicity. The concept of danshari is deeply rooted in Japanese culture, where it has been practiced for centuries. Danshari is not just about decluttering your physical space but also involves decluttering your mind and emotions, leading to a more intentional and fulfilling life.
Danshari (断捨離) is based on three principles, captured in the three kanji characters:
1. The first character, “断” (dan), means “to sever” or “to break off.” It can also mean “to refuse” or “to reject.”
2. “捨” (sha), means “to discard” or “to abandon.”
3. The third character, “離” (ri), means “to separate” or “to detach.”
The Danshari principles:
‘Dan’ (断) encourages people to resist the urge to buy things they don’t need. It’s about being mindful of what you bring into your life, and only choosing things that will serve a purpose. This could be as simple as not buying clothes you don’t need, or not buying the latest gadget just because it’s new and shiny. By doing so, you’ll have less clutter and less stress in your life.
The second principle of danshari- ‘sha’ (捨)- involves letting go of things that no longer serve a purpose. This can be difficult for many people, as we often attach sentimental value to objects. However, danshari encourages us to recognize that these objects are just things, and we don’t need to hold onto them forever. By letting go of things we no longer need, we create more space and freedom in our lives.
Organizing the things that we choose to keep is the third principle of danshari – ‘ri’ (離). This means finding a place for everything and making sure everything has a purpose. This could be as simple as creating a designated spot for your keys or organizing your wardrobe so that you can easily find the clothes you need. By organizing our possessions, we can make our lives more efficient and less stressful.
Not just physical decluttering
Danshari is not just about decluttering our physical space. It also involves decluttering our minds and emotions. This means letting go of negative thoughts and emotions that no longer serve us. It’s about being present in the moment and focusing on the things that matter most. By doing so, we can create a more intentional and fulfilling life.
The benefits of danshari are numerous. By embracing the principles of danshari, we can create a more peaceful and organized environment, reduce stress and anxiety, and live a more intentional and fulfilling life. For a large family on a budget, this comes with the added, practical, benefit of reducing costs and lost time!
History:
Danshari is a Japanese concept that has roots in Zen Buddhism and traditional Japanese aesthetics.
The origins of the danshari philosophy can be traced back to the Japanese tea ceremony, which emphasizes simplicity, harmony, and purity. The tea ceremony involves minimalism in the use of utensils and decorations, and it emphasizes the importance of being present in the moment.
Danshari also has roots in the Shinto religion, which emphasizes the importance of harmony with nature and the purification of the spirit. Shinto beliefs hold that material possessions can be a source of impurity and that decluttering one’s possessions can help purify the spirit.
In modern times, the concept of danshari has gained popularity in Japan as a response to the consumerist culture and materialism of modern society. Perhaps not coincidentally, Japan is currently the 4th largest consumer market in the world. Minimalism then may be a push-back against this mad dash to spend more than your neighbor. It has been popularized by Japanese organizing consultant Marie Kondo, whose bestselling book “The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up” has inspired people around the world to declutter their homes and embrace a more minimalist lifestyle.
Today, danshari is seen as a way of life that promotes mindfulness, simplicity, and sustainability. It is embraced by people from all walks of life who are seeking to simplify their lives and reduce their environmental footprint. The principles of danshari have also been applied to business and organizational settings, where they have been used to increase efficiency, reduce waste, and improve overall productivity.
Comparing Danshari and Christian minimalism
Danshari and Christian minimalism share some similarities in their focus on simplicity and reducing clutter. However, there are some fundamental differences between the two philosophies.
Danshari is a Japanese concept that is primarily focused on decluttering and simplifying one’s physical space and possessions. It encourages individuals to refrain from acquiring unnecessary items, dispose of things they no longer need, and organize the things they choose to keep. The goal of danshari is to reduce stress and increase efficiency in daily life. While there is a nod towards simplifying your mental and spiritual landscape, the emphasis is firmly on the decluttering of the physical space one lives in.
Christian minimalism, on the other hand, is a philosophy rooted in the Christian faith that emphasizes the spiritual benefits of living a simple life. It involves intentionally choosing to live with less and reducing distractions that can hinder one’s relationship with God. Christian minimalism also involves intentionally pursuing generosity, compassion, and service to others.
Another key difference between danshari and Christian minimalism is their underlying motivation. Danshari is focused on personal well-being and reducing stress, while Christian minimalism is focused on glorifying God and pursuing a more fulfilling relationship with Him.
In terms of practical application, danshari tends to focus on physical decluttering, such as cleaning out a closet or getting rid of unnecessary possessions, while Christian minimalism may also involve simplifying one’s schedule or reducing unnecessary commitments that can interfere with spiritual growth.
Overall, while both philosophies share some significant similarities, Christian minimalism is more focused on spiritual growth and pursuing a deeper relationship with God, while danshari is more focused on practical decluttering and simplification for personal well-being.
Christian minimalism
Christian minimalism emphasizes the importance of living simply, focusing on the essentials, and prioritizing spiritual and relational values over material possessions. While the term “Christian minimalism” is not found in the Bible, there are several verses that support this way of life.
Some examples:
1. “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” (Matthew 6:19-21)
Matthew emphasizes the importance of not placing too much value on material possessions, which are temporary and can be lost or destroyed. Instead, we should focus on storing up treasures in heaven by investing in our relationship with God and serving others.
2. “And he said to them, ‘Take nothing for the journey–no staff, no bag, no bread, no money, no extra tunic.'” (Luke 9:3)
Jesus sent out the disciples with almost no material possessions. A lesson on trusting God to provide, to be sure, it is also showing that worrying about material possessions will distract you from your spiritual purpose in life.
3. “Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, ‘Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.'” (Hebrews 13:5)
We are encouraged to be content with what we have and not to be driven by a desire for wealth or possessions. Instead, we should trust in God’s provision and be grateful for what we have.
Christian minimalism emphasizes the importance of living simply, being content with what we have, and focusing on spiritual and relational values over material possessions. They remind us that our worth and security do not come from our possessions, but from our relationship with God and our connection with others.
Two complimentary sides of the same coin
In many ways, I see danshari and Christian minimalism as complementary aspects of the gestalt known as minimalism. Danshari focuses on the physical world – decluttering your home, your personal space. Clearing away the physical distractions that take so much of your money, time, and energy. If accomplished, you are left with a space for your soul to grow where once there was mess and clutter. Christian minimalism focuses more on ‘busyness’ and reducing your spiritual clutter. Clearing away not only your physical space but your mental space as well. The modern version of Christian minimalism recognizes that the more we cram into our daily schedule, the faster we run, the more we just don’t get anywhere. Both danshari and Christian minimalism, when taken together, implores both a physical and a mental ‘purge’ of all the clutter in our lives, spaces, schedules, and our souls.
Danshari/Christian minimalism for large families
Applying the principles of danshari to a large family with small children can seem daunting, but it is possible to simplify your home and create a more peaceful environment for your family. Here are some tips for applying the principles of danshari to a large family with small children.
Inventory your stuff, and your schedule!
Start by identifying the things that are essential for your family’s daily life and prioritize those things over unnecessary possessions. Include in that inventory all the events, classes, activities, meetings, visits, ‘play dates’, etc. that have you playing chauffeur more than parent.
Declutter regularly
Clutter can accumulate quickly in a large family with small children! Get rid of anything that is broken or no longer needed, and donate or sell items that are still in good condition but no longer serve a purpose in your home. Declutter your schedule, as much as possible. Combine activities, hold sacred a day where NO EVENTS are allowed. Bring everybody to the table for at least dinner, homework/chores/games can wait.
Pro tip: With 6 kids and all the chaos that brings, sometimes the goal of ‘bringing everybody together’ for a quiet evening together is impossible. Not just hard, literally impossible. So create ‘micro-spaces’. Pick a child or couple of children and spend time playing with them. Play a board game, read a story, just talk with them – wherever that conversation wends!
Pro tip #2: Don’t leave your spouse out of this rotation! It is imperative, critical, that you spend at least a little ‘positive’ time with them, every day if possible! Kids are in bed and asleep, but the wife is still busy? Read your book next to her on the couch as she slogs through computer chores. Guess what? I 100% guarantee you that at some point (probably just as you are getting into your book…) that she will say something. A small comment, a question – the tiniest opening. PUT DOWN THE BOOK! And engage, even for a few minutes.
A place for everything and everything in its place
Set up designated spaces for toys and belongings. Having designated spaces for toys and belongings can help keep clutter under control. Each child should have their own designated space for toys and belongings, and these spaces should be organized and easy to access. Make sure to involve your children in the process of organizing their spaces to encourage their participation and sense of ownership.
Routines and systems…in moderation
Create routines and systems Having routines and systems in place can help simplify your family’s daily life. Set up a system for laundry, meal planning, and cleaning that works for your family. Routines can help children feel more secure and provide a sense of structure in their lives.
Pro tip: But don’t be afraid of chaos either! Your children will get more reassurance and a sense of security watching you and your spouse gracefully surf the waves of chaos than simply beating a constant schedule drumbeat. When you look at your schedule book and feel horror in your soul at what is coming your way… wink at your kids and say ‘You ready for today?’
Garbage in, garbage out
Practice mindful consumption. Be intentional about what you bring into your home. Focus on purchasing quality items that will last, and avoid impulse purchases. Encourage your children to value experiences over possessions and prioritize time spent together as a family. Consumption includes digital products. Be a gatekeeper of what comes into your home and your life. TV, smartphones, the internet, etc. I don’t have to beat that drum too loudly, do I? I thought not.
Let go of the guilt
As parents, it can be easy to feel guilty about getting rid of items that were gifts or have sentimental value. However, it’s important to remember that letting go of unnecessary possessions can help create a more peaceful environment for your family. Focus on the positive impact that decluttering will have on your family’s well-being, rather than feeling guilty about getting rid of things. For some of these items, consider creating a digital record of the object or memory. Pictures, videos, journal entries. You will have the memory, without the clutter.
Applying the principles of danshari to a large family with small children may take time and effort, but it is worth it. By embracing minimalism, decluttering regularly, setting up designated spaces for toys and belongings, creating routines and systems, practicing mindful consumption, and letting go of guilt, you can simplify your home and create a more peaceful environment for your family to thrive in.
